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We’re back! Some very interesting things are happening on Pretty Little Liars these days, so I hope y’all enjoy the ride! Last week, we learned some stuff. This week, we learn some more stuff. Are you ready for this?pll a dark ali What’s his nuts, the guy who claims to have kidnapped Alison, is basically staring down the one way mirror in the interrogation room. Detective Grumpy Gills is telling Mr. DiLaurentis that they don’t have enough evidence to press charges, but with Alison’s identification, they could keep him locked up. Alison, for her part, is staring at pictures of his guy, Cyrus Petrillo. She tells her dad that she’s not sure if he’s the guy.

Which… the other Liars don’t like one bit. They don’t understand why she’s considering implicating an innocent stranger. They tell her pretty much outright that, if she doesn’t say that he’s not the guy, all of them are going down. Aria, of course, is the most concerned, because she killed a guy. But the others are very VERY tired of putting up with Alison’s bullshit. And frankly, I don’t blame them in the slightest.

However… Alison lets the other girls believe that A is behind this, that A is setting them up. What the what? Really? The first thing that I thought of was that Alison set this up herself. Right? I mean, it makes sense! She made Noel break into the Marin home – why not hire a random guy on the street and feed him her story? But no, she seems to agree with that theory. That A is behind this. Huh. Maybe I’m wrong.

As they’re leaving Alison’s house, Hanna says the one thing that makes me believe I might be right. She asks if it’s weird that they haven’t received an A text yet about this. Ding ding ding! Hanna is always the smartest when it counts. They all discuss what’s going to happen next, what A’s game is. Obviously, whatever they say is going to be wrong. So there’s that. The Liars decide that someone needs to go back in the house to convince Alison not to identify this guy as her kidnapper. Emily is elected, because she has eyes that are hard to disappoint. Right, sure.

The other three discuss Aria’s mom, and then Noel’s stuff that Spencer is still carrying around with her. Spencer says that she has a good place to hide it in her room. Spencer points out that Alison knew this was floating around, but she didn’t tell them about it. Aria remarks that DGG would love to get ahold of such evidence. And Hanna wants to know where Spencer’s hiding place is.

Emily is in the process of trying to convince Alison not to point the finger at this guy when her dad barges in. He’s convinced that Cyrus Petrillo is the guy, and he wants Alison to say so. She is uncharacteristically quiet. What is she thinking?

Ella Montgomery is trying to cancel all of the stuff she had set up for the wedding. She’s looking a mess, crying and not eating. It’s sad to watch, especially since her fiancé was such a d-bag. Aria makes her favorite lunch, and then offers to make all of these calls for her. Also, she’s wearing a killer dress. Ella is blaming herself and her age, which Aria dismisses. Ella says that she should have read the signs. Man, we all should have, amirite? There’s always stuff like that.

Hanna is throwing everything even remotely gross in Caleb’s cabin. Caleb objects (she threw away his half-eaten pizza!!), but Hanna points out that nothing in there is good for Caleb, and she just wants to look out for him. They discuss why and how A set Alison up, and then Hanna says that she wished all she had to worry about was a chorus solo audition, and that, gosh darn it, she wanted to be normal! Caleb seems to understand. He’s the best.

Emily and Spencer are trying to talk in code. Spencer is taking apart her chair to hide the stuff, and then she realizes that her hiding place is empty. A. A was in her room. A took her recording from Alison about their story. Melissa shows up, wondering about Spencer adding things to the grocery list. Spencer is annoyed, then gets a phone call… which is just the recording of Alison being played back. Cripes! That’s fairly terrifying. That’s when you know there’s a lot at stake here. Then, after Melissa leaves, Spencer gets a text that says “check mate.”

Ha! Hanna and Caleb is running. Hanna tries to go back the other way, and Caleb says, “it’s a loop, Hanna!” Hahaha. Hilarious. Hanna completely blows Spencer off. Caleb tells Spencer to lay off, that Caleb is handling it. So, Spencer goes to Aria. Of course, Spencer has the surveillance footage of Melissa giving something to a guy whose face we never see, saying, “do it. Trust me. Do it.” Whoa… what does that mean for Melissa? Spencer says this was captured three nights earlier, the night before Cyrus Beene… I mean, Cyrus Petrillo, confessed. Aria, for her part, can’t comprehend at all what is happening. Is Melissa helping just Mona, or is she also working for A?

Because of all of this, Spencer suggests cutting ties with Alison. Like, pronto. She always wants them to go to the police. But Aria is worried about the New York situation, especially since she killed a guy. Spencer keeps saying that they have to tell the truth, but Aria hits the nail on the head – “The truth doesn’t amount to much when it comes from a bunch of liars.” And that is the real truth, ladies and gentlemen.

Hanna arrives at the chorus solo auditions, and sees that Mona is also there. Holy crap! Bitch can sing! I remember that she sang in one other episode, while she was in Radley, but man! That’s impressive.

Aria is at Ezra’s, telling him all about Cyrus Petrillo. Neither of them can quite figure out Ali’s intentions, at which point Ezra suggests that he go talk to her. Aria basically forbids him (which I didn’t realize you could do when you weren’t actually dating the person), and says that she’s worried about him. He loves it. He has that goofy smirk on his face. All he really wants is to get Aria back, after all.

Emily shows up at Alison’s, pressuring her to let Cyrus Petrillo go. She even goes so far as to say, “You love that, for once, everyone seems to believe you.” Alison claims that that isn’t what this is all about, but I’m not convinced, and neither is Emily. Until Alison reveals that Cyrus isn’t a stranger after all… he’s the one who gave her that nasty scar on her upper thigh. When she was on the run, he tried to steal her stuff. And because it’s Emily that she’s talking to, the sob story sinks in. Emily truly feels bad for her. But she also knows that Alison can’t identify that guy as her kidnapper. The Liars are so convinced it’s an A trap.

Back at the auditions, Mona is showing off her truly superior singing skills until Hanna gets annoyed and tells her to shut it. The girls are called in to a different room to audition, and on the way, Mona faints, knocking over a music stand and everything. The girl does have a flair for the dramatic.

Spencer is waiting for Emily in Emily’s bedroom. When Em walks in, Spencer is just beginning to lay all of the loot from Noel out on the floor. Emily, fresh off of her talk with Alison, tells Spencer that she doesn’t want that stuff in her house. Noel calls Spencer, probably to get his stuff back, and Emily doesn’t let Spencer answer, defending Alison to the very end. Emily says that Alison was hurt, and Spencer isn’t buying it, pointing out that Emily and Alison have a very secretive relationship. To deflect, Emily points the finger at Melissa. As annoying as the deflection is, girl has a point…

Meanwhile, Mona is coming to in the choir room. She immediately demands her bag, so Hanna goes to fetch it. Inside the bag is… a mug shot of Cyrus Petrillo? Oh, the plot thickens!

At the Brew, Ezra is just getting his coffee, la-di-da, when he sees Alison sitting at a table by herself. After trying to walk away, he goes to confront her, despite his promise to Aria. He makes an observation, as he calls it, that Alison is dragging a lot of people’s lives through the mud. She bristles, and then they are interrupted by her dad, who is basically screaming ARE YOU TRYING TO KIDNAP OR RAPE MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I HAVE THE POLICE ON SPEED DIAL NOW. Ezra gets up, and Aria sees him. After they walk away, Mr. DiLaurentis continues to pressure Alison to indict Cyrus Petrillo. Alison gets up to get some more tea, clearly stalling.

Mona is sitting in a car that does not appear to be her normal ride. And… Hanna just lets herself in. What the heck? Has no one in Rosewood learned to lock their car doors yet? Mona has a computer, some other spy gear, and appears to be using Bluetooth to hack into stuff. Nifty. After Hanna refuses to leave, they decide that they’re trying to figure out the same thing, and since Mona is the better spy, they better use her car. Or something like that. Detective Grumpy Gills comes out of the police station, leading Alison and Mr. DiLaurentis to a car. Mona promptly hacks into her phone so they can hear what is being said. She’s taking them to a basement to see if Alison can identify it. Uh oh.

Ezria is arguing while Aria packs all of her mom’s engagement party crap into the trunk of her car. Okay, it’s less of an argument and more of Aria just yelling at Ezra because he’s risking his health, or something. He is very calm, and doesn’t understand why she’s so upset. And then she drives away. She does take a long, lingering look at a picture of her mom and creepy Zack, so I’m thinking her anger might just be a little misplaced.

Spencer, it appears, is trying to sneak back into her house. But Melissa is lurking in the dark, naturally, and catches her. Melissa seems completely aware that Spencer has been rifling through her stuff, but she lets Spencer’s lie about looking for a sweater with buttons go. After a weird pause, Spencer admits that she saw that Melissa is looking at flights on her computer, mostly to Europe. Melissa, for her part, admits that she’s been helping Mona, but only to keep Spencer safe from Alison. Melissa knows that Alison wasn’t kidnapped. After that, Spencer asks Melissa what she did, because she must have done something. She’s been so secretive. Melissa says that she can’t tell Spencer yet, but it’s not safe for her in Rosewood. Then she tells Spencer that they should run away together. Spencer looks pretty shocked.

DGG, Alison, and Mr. DiLaurentis walk into a basement lair. Alison has clearly been here, but it wasn’t in the context of being kidnapped, that’s for sure. We see Alison’s flashback of staying in that basement, and of a potential relationship with Cyrus Petrillo. And then we see the fight, and Cyrus cutting her with his pocketknife. DGG can see on Alison’s face that she remembers being there, and then Alison says that she’ll never be able to forget it. Which isn’t technically a lie. It’s just not the correct truth. She cries, obviously, and they appear to be real tears. But are they?

Mona and Hanna are still chilling in Mona’s spy car. They’re talking about Cyrus’ release, and what door he’s going to come out of, this and that. Hanna asks Mona about the fainting, since Mona stated it was due to panic attacks. Mona says her panic attacks stem from the same source as Hanna’s day drinking – Alison. Alison is always the center of everything, whether it’s good or bad. Mona explains that she only went on the offensive because she was terrified about Alison being back. Then Caleb calls Hanna, and she lies about what she’s doing, which is bad. Hanna and Caleb don’t lie to each other. It’s part of what makes them perfect. Then, they hear DGG call the station saying that Alison identified the location, and not to release Cyrus Petrillo for any reason.

Too late.

Aria is at her house, talking to Emily on the phone about Ezra. Her mom walks into the room, saying that she tried to jump-start her single life by purchasing a fuchsia sequin skirt, which Aria tells her she cannot wear. Her mom asks her about Ezra, and Aria explains her concerns. She thought he was dead, so she made a mental list of all the things she wanted to say to him, and now he’s alive, and she can’t make herself say all of the things. She’s not sure she trusts him, but she obviously isn’t going to tell her mother why. Mrs. Montgomery says that people do change, and that Aria shouldn’t write Ezra off completely. Then Aria gets an SOS text from Hanna.

Emily is waiting for Alison and her dad to get back from the police station. Mr. DiLaurentis begrudgingly allows Alison to stay outside and talk to Emily. Emily doesn’t waste any time – she is very clear about how unhappy she is with Alison, how sick of putting up with all the lies she is, and how she can’t believe how much time she has wasted on Ali. She tells Alison that she won’t be thrown under the bus for her anymore. She’s done, out, over it. And then she walks away, leaving Alison in the dust.

Hanna and Caleb are hanging out in her foyer. Hanna is explaining what happened that night, and then she apologizes to Caleb for lying to him. He understands, obviously, because he’s the greatest, and then says that he wants to face the situation head on. Hanna says that Spencer has a poorly thought out plan, and that she loves him, and then they make out. Ahh, just like the good ole days.

In the kitchen, Spencer is telling Aria about her conversation with Melissa. She says that Melissa basically admitted that something bad is going to happen to Alison at the hands of A. Oy, I hadn’t thought of it that way! Aria is still resistant about the idea of going to the cops, and neither of them can believe how stupid Alison is being, walking right into A’s trap. Then Emily arrives and agrees that they should go to the police. She says they need to cut ties with Alison immediately, before she does something drastic.

Then we jump to Cyrus in the woods. A girl wearing dark colors approaches. It’s Alison… wearing her Vivian Darkbloom wig. Wait… what? Where did that come from? Cyrus appears to have a secret about Alison that he wishes he had told the cops, but then, Alison knows things too. She threatens him, saying she found him once, and she could find him again. He leaves, and we are left to focus on the Bata Bata bumper sticker on the back of the getaway SUV. Huh. I wonder what that means…

For a tiny amount of time, we see Melissa in front of a video camera. She says that Spencer was right, that she deserves to know the truth.

Then we cut to A, who is watching a dog show on television and folding all of his/her black sweatshirts. And… a candy striper apron? Hmm.

Until next week! We’re getting so close to the end of the half-season!

-A.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Reflections on a Terrible Disease

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