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Pretty Little Liars, "Run, Ali, Run"

So, full disclosure – I can’t get the Comcast website to let me rewatch this episode in order to blog about it.  I know, right?  Super lame.  But I did watch it last week (luckily), and I have my trusty PLL source of snark, AfterEllen.com.  So!  Where were we?  Oh, right – Toby’s house done got blown up, and the girls all got another A text, because A is back!  Whoop whoop!  Also, Emison appears to be a thing (ugh), as does Ezria (yay!) and Haleb (ALL CAPS YAY!!).  So.  Here we are. So, the Liars all appear to be just as befuddled as can be about the fact that A is back.  I’m not sure why they’re so surprised.  Let’s rewind for a second here:

When the girls were in New York and Alison was walking through that park with A following her, remember how there were a dozen other A’s wandering through the park?  Yeah?  You do?  So, why in the hell would the Liars assume that, when Aria killed Shana, A was gone for good?  There are still eleven (ish) other A’s out there!

So, the girls assemble at Emily’s house to discuss their confusion about A being back.  Alison decides that she better skip town.  Emily, for one, is not having it.  She deserves to know if Emison is going to happen, damn it (again, UGH)!  Hanna, though, seems pretty okay with Alison disappearing again.  Hmm.

The next morning, Hanna runs into Caleb at the coffee shop, and it is sufficiently awkward.  Oh, maaaaaan.  I was hoping they were back for good.  He seems pretty upset that Hanna didn’t wait for him while he was off gallivanting on another show, which is totally not fair.  How was Hanna supposed to know that the other show would get cancelled because it was so terrible!  It’s not like she has ESPN, or something.  Caleb, for his part, advises that Hanna and the others go to the cops about the whole A thing.  But she finds excuses, he gets annoyed, and then she gets up and leaves.  Ugh, Caleb.  I liked you better when you were just a hobo hanging out naked in Hanna’s shower.  I wish you would have left your attitude in Ravenswood.

Aria stops at Ezra’s on the way to school, and he’s sifting through his millions of files of research for A’s Book, which is what I have decided to call it.  They discuss whether it would be reasonable that Bethany Young (the girl whose remains were in Alison’s grave, remember?) knew Mrs. DiLaurentis while she was on the Board of Directors at Radley.  Hmm.  Aria says she’ll come back after school, but no more sexy time.  Ezra makes this face like, “so we’ll be lovers in the nighttime again later?  Cool beans.  Can’t wait.  Have a good day at high school, pumpkin!”

Spencer sneaks back home to get some school stuff and is caught by her father.  He asks why she and her mom are staying in a hotel, and Spencer asks some questions right back, and it’s weird and awkward, and I’m not sure what to feel about all of this.  Then Spencer tries to make Hanna feel better by dressing up like Caleb the hobo at school.  And then, while eating lunch with Aria, Spencer overhears Aria talking on the whole with Ezra, and she judges.  Aria dismisses her.  “No more sexy time!  We’ve only been lovers in the nighttime twice in the last week, and no more, I swear!”  Suuuuuuure.  Aria points out that Ezra did get shot protecting them, and Spencer’s rebuttal sounds a lot like, “but he followed us in creepy dark clothes in order to protect us.”  The other three show up at the table, and Alison gets a video text of A burying Mrs. D.  Yep, there’s A!  He’s back!  She’s back?  Someone’s back!

After school, the Liars reconvene at Hanna’s to discuss the fact that they no longer believe that Spencer’s dad killed Alison’s mom.  Now they think that A is back to killing all the people (except for the people Aria and Emily killed).  They also suspect Mona, which means that it’s not Mona.  Alison mentions running away again, and Emily about clocks her.  “I NEED TO KNOW IF EMISON IS GOING TO HAPPEN, DAMN IT,” Emily fumes.  Uhhh.  Please no.  #pailyforever

Hanna agrees that Alison can stay at her house for the night, and the other girls leave.  Hanna’s not really into it, though, just like she’s not really into Travis, who shows up at her door expecting to go on a date.  You can tell that Travis is super into her, because he’s cute little face is all disappointed-like.  But, come on, dude.  Haleb is the alpha and omega of this show.  It’s not the same without it.  She comes back inside and finds Alison having a secret phone conversation, at which point she confronts Ali.  Alison tells her that she really just wants to gtfo, and Hanna sighs and says, “by all means.”  So they plan Ali’s escape.

Spencer is hanging out at Radley, hoping to talk get some information about Bethany Young.  She spots Detective Man and Detective Ma’am, so she hides behind a magazine.  Yeah, that always works…  After they leave, she finally gets a moment with Eddie Lamb, and he says that he can’t tell her anything, even if they meet outside of Radley.  Spencer stomps out, fuming that her usual persuasive witchcraft didn’t work this time.

Oh, but guess what happens next?  Aria and Ezra are sifting through secret information again, and Detective Ma’am shows up!  First, she hands Ezra an envelope that she found on his doorstep.  Then, Ezra lets her into his apartment, and Aria hides.  He plays dumb about Shana’s death and the coincidence of her getting killed the same night he got shot.  Detective Ma’am leaves, but I’m pretty sure she knew Aria (or someone) was there.  Oh boy.

Emily is creeping at the pool, waiting for Paige to get done swimming.  She ambushes Paige and tells her to name names.  She wants to know who is in Mona’s army.  Paige doesn’t look like she’s going to crack until Emily tells her how bad she would feel if something actually happened to Alison.  Personally, I think that Paige just misses Emily.  I don’t think she would have spilled for just anyone.  But maybe that’s just me.  I just want Emily to pull her head out of her butt and realize that Alison is never going to be what she really wants.  Ever.

Spencer gets her parents to meet up for dinner, and it all looks like it’s going well until her mom tells her that, while she and Spencer are moving back into the house, Mr. Hastings is moving out.  Womp womp.

Back at Ezra’s, Aria realizes that Detective Ma’am is onto Ezra, who could get into some serious trouble for all of his snooping and statutory rape.  He wants to hide all of the evidence in his storage locker, but Aria knows how search warrants work.  She says they should put it in her attic.  I can’t find a helpful thing to say about any of this, because it’s all so stupid.  They finally open that envelope that Detective Ma’am found, and it’s a drawing of a terrifying creature wanting to eat Mrs. D., drawn by our very own mystery girl, Bethany Young.  Wait, what?

Hanna is almost ready to take Alison to a train station far far away from Rosewood when Emily shows up, ranting and raving about Lucas and Melissa being on Team Mona.  She spots the bags, the train ticket, and the cash that Hanna had ready for Alison, and she explodes.  She says she’s going to Alison’s, and Hanna better not follow her.

Sidebar – I’m going to completely agree with the folks over at AfterEllen on this one – I hate Emily and Alison (if you haven’t noticed).  In Heather Hogan’s recap, the relationship is compared to Gollum and the one ring from Lord of the Rings.  Which is accurate and terrifying.  Like… shudder.  So terrifying.

Meanwhile, Alison is being strangled by A, and Emily rushes to her rescue.  A gets away (obviously), and Alison appears to be fine, probably mostly because Emily takes her into her arms and strokes her hair until everyone feels better.

Alison does make an astute observation.  A could have killed her… but he/she did not.  Why?  Why was A just trying to scare her?

Let’s see.  What else?  Hanna visits Caleb in the weird rustic house he’s staying in.  She admits to him that she’s been crazy since Alison got back, and he hands her his flask.  Travis also breaks up with Hanna, because he knows Caleb is back.  Oh, and someone put a dead rat in Paige’s swim locker, which is disgusting.

The Liars decide that they have to get back into Radley.  After going back and forth about whether or not Spencer should go undercover as crazy again, they decide that it should be Aria.  Wait… Aria?  Yes, apparently so.  She’s going to volunteer.  Oh, goody.

Alison spends the night at Emilys, but instead of being lovers in the nighttime, Alison goes right to sleep.  And Emily stays awake, watching over her all night.  It’s… weird?  Creepy?  Sweet?  I’m not sure.  Then, Detective Ma’am shows up at Alison’s house asking if she and her dad will come to the police station for some questioning, because Alison’s alibi isn’t making much sense.  Gulp.  Here we go!

Then, the final A text of the episode – “Time for the caged bird to sing.”  Whooooo!  Good stuff!

What are you thinking about this season so far?  Do you like that Alison is back?  Are you glad A is back?

-A.

The Bachelorette Finale

"I Love You Will Still Sound the Same" by Oh Honey

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