Okay, ugh, so this episode was a total filler episode. I’m not even all that pleased to be writing about it, to be completely honest. But I’ve made a commitment to bring this wonderful show to life for you all (ha), so I can’t really back off now. So here we go! Previously on Pretty Little Liars, lots of stuff happened, and you probably shouldn’t be reading this if you’re not caught up.
Alison won’t get out of bed, and she is refusing all visitors, because her mom was buried in the backyard. Understandable, I suppose. Except she’s been hiding from her mother for two year. (Sidenote, how is two years four seasons of a show? Weird, right?)
Hanna decided to wear her homecoming dress to Mrs. D’s funeral. Bold move, Hanna.
Emily, Hanna, and Aria all think that Jason was the one to bury Mrs. D, but Spencer isn’t buying it. If there is one thing I’ve learned about PLL, it’s that it’s never the obvious suspect. And if it is them, they’re innocent for two seasons before they go bad (ahem, Shana). Or they’re good pretending to be bad only to be seriously good (like Toby or Ezra? Maybe not Ezra. The jury is still out on Ezra.). Anyway. It’s most likely not Jason who killed and buried Mrs. D.
Alison, on the other hand, wears the same dress that her mom wore to her own funeral. Awkward. Mr. D freaks the freak out about it, though. How do the girls keep all of their funeral dresses straight? They’ve got so many.
Emily: Coincidences happen all the time.
Spencer: Yeah, they grow on trees like coconuts just waiting for you to walk under them.
CLASSIC. And anyone who knows me knows that I don’t believe in coincidences. Leroy Jethro Gibbs taught me that.
Okay, now the principal is talking to the girls about security at the school. He says there’s a limit to what they can do. He thinks the girls cause trouble… which, okay, they kind of do. But trouble also follows them. They discuss being back at school, and being stuck in Alison’s biggest lie to date. Yikes. High school is dramatic enough without this crap following them around.
Spencer is worried about Nole, Mona, and mostly Ezra, because they are the three who know Alison’s story is a fake. Emily says that they have to find evidence to give to the police when they find out Alison lied, in order to protect her. Oh, Emily. Just go back to Paige. It suits you better. Although the whole college thing was a bit rough to watch.
Again on the Jason thing. You guys. Spencer is the super sleuth. Why don’t you believe her yet?
Emily and Hanna plan a trip to Philadelphia to figure out what Jason was up to. Except not tonight. Tonight, Hanna has to bring Alison to the funeral home. Why? What?
Oh, of course Mona is passing around a card for everyone to sign for Ezra. Of course. She wants Aria to sign first, “before all the good spaces are taken,” but Aria feels weird about it. She says no. Mona keeps being Mona about it, and then Hanna rescues Aria from the awkwardness. But gasp! Mr. Fitz is back in Rosewood! Aria is pissed. Mona tries to warn Aria, but she ignores her. Mona assumes that Alison is going to come back to school. She… missed two years? How could she just come back? She’d be a sophomore again.
Emily drops some stuff, and Paige picks it up. Awkwardness ensues. New girl is staring at Emily. Mona wants Paige to sign the card for Ezra, but we all know she’s still trying to recruit Paige to be on her team.
Then Emily confronts the new girl with all of the anger she has had pent up. Yikes. Except new girl wasn’t gawking because Emily knows Alison. She was gawking because Emily is, like, a totally awesome swimmer whose name is on all the trophies. Two guesses for who this girl turns out to be: either a) another lesbian, which is all well and good, but if they’d just quit killing off all the original lesbians, they wouldn’t need to introduce anymore, or b) another A. Which I don’t think anyone wants.
New girl’s name is Sydney, and she wants Emily to coach her. Weird. Doesn’t she already have a coach?
Spencer is staring out the window at the DiLaurentis house. Melissa confronts her. Spencer defends Jason again. Melissa asks about Toby, and they argue. Wren is involved with Melissa again. Weird. Melissa is pissed about Spencer bringing Alison home and warns Spencer to stay away from them. Spencer reminds Melissa that Jason is their half-brother, and Melissa says, “And blood is thicker than water? It can also be very slippery.” Hmm. What is happening?
Alison is pissed about being at the funeral home, and is super dramatic about how she hates funeral homes. Then she sees a painting and freaks out and runs to the bathroom. I have no idea what that is about. The funeral director comes out and mistakes Hanna for Alison. Alison says something along the lines of “we didn’t used to look so much alike.” Was that a fat joke? How awful.
Then Hanna flashes back to eating all the cupcakes in the town after Alison disappeared. Mona shows up, reinvented, and she offers to help Hanna with her own transformation. Where are her glasses? Really, Hanna? They’re called contact lenses. They’re pretty common these days. You should catch up on the times.
Confrontation time in the Hastings house. Mr. Hastings wants to sell the house. Spencer tries to make a joke about dead bodies, and her dad drinks some more whiskey. Mr. Hastings hints that it was someone in their own home who killed Mrs. D, and Spencer then makes the best joke ever. “Forget about selling the house. We can just put a koi pond out back. Someone already dug a hole.” She’s on fire tonight!
Aria can’t get herself to knock on Ezra’s door, but then he opens it to get the mail or something. She goes inside and they chat for a bit. He’s pretty clear about still loving her, and Aria is cold as ice. All she wants to do is make sure that he’s not going to tell anyone that Alison is lying. He’s not happy, but he agrees. Ezra says that he thought Shana killed Mrs. D, but he says the timing doesn’t really work. He has no idea that she’s dead. Awkward. So much awkward this episode. Ezra thanks her for visiting. Aria leaves. AWKWARD.
Emily is back in the locker room, and the most lesbian conversation EVER happens. Something about strokes and ratios. It’s not important. Anyway, the Paige shows up, and she and Emily are still finishing each other’s sentences and saying that they were close both in and out of the pool. Yeah… can’t you just say that you were lovers in the nighttime? Poor new girl Sydney can already tell, anyway.
Mona is putting her makeup on at a courtyard table. Hanna flashes back to Mona helping her change her look. Mona convinces Hanna to put on an old shirt of Alison’s that was left at her house. When it fits, Hanna is hooked.
Aria tells Alison that Ezra isn’t going to tell. Alison tells Aria not to tell Ezra about how she killed a guy. Aria is pretty cold. She then gives Alison the copy of Ezra’s manuscript. Alison tries to reassure Aria that she did the right thing when she killed a guy, but Aria ignores her and then leaves. (For the record, I know that Shana was a girl. Obviously. But saying that Aria “killed a guy” rolls off the keyboard better than she “killed a lesbian who stalked them all and was lesbionic with a blind girl who also wanted them all to die.” So I’m sticking with it.)
Oh my gosh, this is excellent. Hanna and Emily go back to the creepy apartment where they talk again with the creepy hobo. Who, turns out, isn’t a hobo! He runs a place where people can go to get sober. So, half of the liars find Jason’s hideout.
Meanwhile, Spencer tracks down Jason. Another weird conversation happens. Jason says that his mom’s secrets killed her. And that Alison being back makes him feel like he’s living in a haunted house. Spencer shows Jason the copy of the email Mrs. D wrote. He is pretty flippant about it.
Emily and Hanna discuss Jason’s innocence, as well. Hanna flashes back again to the first time she and Mona walk down Rosewood High together with their new look. They hold hands and strut their stuff. Emily and Spencer watch, looking surprised and potentially intimidated. It’s a potential sexual awakening for Emily. That cannot be confirmed, though.
Then, believe it or not, Hanna has some questions for Emily. Like… what was it like to come out? Yikes. Is Hanna gay, too? I don’t think so, but it’s hard to tell, at this point. Also, this song is perfect for this scene.
Back to Spencer and Jason. Spencer theorizes that Mrs. D might have gone to personally deliver the email message. Jason also guesses that the person who killed Mrs. D might be someone Spencer knows. “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” he asks her. Whoa… this is getting pretty real. Jason tells her to quit digging. He says that she can’t trust their dad. Whoa!
Alison shows up at Ezra’s, and he is clearly uncomfortable being around her. She returns his manuscript to him. She confronts him with the fact that he has more information than he’s letting on, and he says that the only thing keeping him from destroying everything is that it might be able to help Aria. Alison genuinely seems to be trying to help Ezra get back with Aria.
Then Hanna does some math, which is pretty amazing. She goes to confront Mona at the coffee shop. Hanna is pissed that Mona changed her, tried to make Hanna become Alison. Hanna is having some regrets.
Spencer and Aria are discussing the fact that it could be Spencer’s dad behind all of this. Spencer says that she’s pretty sure her parents don’t believe that she didn’t kill the girl in Alison’s grave. Yikes! The Hastings house is a house of cards! Sparia to the rescue then as Spencer has the only real conversation anyone has been able to have with Aria about killing Shana.
How is it that Alison is still walking around in the dark by herself? She runs into Mr. Hastings, who is super creepy about it. He offers to give her a ride home, and she looks at him all suspicious like.
Emily arrives home and Paige is sitting on the front step. Paige is a wreck. She is so in love with Emily, and Emily is so so so cold. Emily says she’s sorry, but it doesn’t change anything. She says that Paige deserves the best of everything, and Paige says that’s what she had. Oh my goodness. Heart is breaking. #pailyforever
Spencer is waiting for her dad to get home, and he has pretzels that he is going to share with Spencer. She shows him the email. He basically laughs in her face, then Melissa comes out. The sisters squabble, Mr. Hastings tells them they are acting like five-year-olds, and that’s that. Melissa also tears up the printed copy of the email. Cool… because that’s how to delete things on the interwebs… Spencer is now very aware that they have a secret between them.
Mr. Hastings: You can’t lie about something you don’t know anything about.
Aria is back at Ezra’s apartment, saying that she meant to warn Ezra that Alison might stop by. He’s so cute. He says, “I heard a knock on the door, and I thought it might be you… I don’t know why I thought that.” He’s like a little puppy. I love it. (Pedophilia aside, obviously.) Aria even says, “Here I am, back at the scene of the crime.” Response:
Ezra: There’s no crime here. Not the way I see it.
SHE WAS YOUR STUDENT.
Despite that disturbing fact, they were definitely my favorite couple until the whole Malcolm thing, and then Haleb took their place. Anyway. I digress.
Aria tells Ezra that she killed a guy. Ezra is surprised, but then he does something amazing. He says, “How can I help?” And I love him for that.
Hanna is at the salon, and she decides to change her hair. But we don’t get to see anything except Mona lurking and watching Hanna get her hair dyed… and then there’s another girl there! Except my online viewing cut out, so I’m not sure if we get to see who it was! Eek!
Until next week, I guess!
I have lots of lingering questions still, since this episode answered absolutely nothing. But I’ll save them for now. Happy Thursday!