Here we are again. Another week, another episode of Pretty Little Liars that has completely blown my mind. Are you ready for this? Remember. I’m an episode behind what has aired (so this episode aired on March 11th), but if you’re not caught up, there will be spoilers. I repeat. SPOILERS.
This episode opens with Spencer hiking through the Forbidden Forest in a wedding dress. Umm. What? How? Why? Spencer’s veil gets caught on a tree branch, and she trips and falls down a hill. But there was an A! Did you see A? She gets up, something snaps, and she looks incredibly alarmed. Was that the sound of a gun cocking???
And then it says “48 hours earlier” and we’re at the coffee shop.
The four liars are discussing Paige’s betrayal and the fact that they are probably going to be questioned once the police realize that there’s a different body in Alison’s grave. Emily, being the best girlfriend-to-a-not-dead-dead-girl ever, says that she’s more concerned about Ali than about them. Aww. That’s sweet. Spencer seems to think that the cops are going to come after her, since she’s certain she killed someone. She also says that Mrs. D probably won’t let Ali come home until Spencer is behind bars. At that point, Hanna gives Spencer her cookie, because she needs a cookie.
Emily points out that she was staying at the DiLaurentis house when Mrs. D was served with divorce papers. I had completely forgotten about that. Do you think that was staged?
Once Ezra is brought up, Emily decides she’s had enough and drags Spencer out with her, since Spencer drove. Once they get outside, the run into none other than Jason! Except he’s across the street, and even though Spencer calls to him, he doesn’t respond. Maybe his hearing was damaged when he fell down that elevator shaft. Because, I mean, that should leave some kind of mark, don’t you think?
They attempt to follow Jason, but A has been in Spencer’s car! There is a string of photo booth pictures of a girl who looks like Alison with the face blacked out, and it says “You know me, Spencer. You killed me” at the bottom. YIKES. And we’re only four minutes into the episode!
Next, we’re at Aria’s house, where she’s talking on the phone with her mom while looking at clothes. Aria, don’t ever change. You’re wearing a rockin’ Scottish clan tartan dress, and I dig it. Aria’s mom wants to know why Aria is acting out, drinking in hotel rooms with random strangers, when she suddenly is in the house! She’s back from Europe! Yay!
Spencer is on the phone with Emily plotting about how to corner Jason so he has to talk to her.[i] She has another run-in with Drug Counselor Man,[ii] who says she can’t leave the house without either a) bringing him with her, or b) peeing in a cup. Ugh. Sucky choices.
In Hanna’s kitchen, Ashley[iii] won’t let Hanna eat cereal anywhere because the entire kitchen is covered in planning materials for Mrs. D’s wedding dress for charity event. Ohhhhh. Wedding dresses. Gotcha.[iv] Hanna warns her mom about Mrs. D’s motivation for hiring her in the first place. Ashley says they should be grateful, whether Hanna trusts Mrs. D or not.
Now they’re at school. In the bathroom, Spencer and Emily talk about how Spencer was unable to talk to Jason that morning because Drug Counselor Man was too interested in her bladder. When Emily inquires about Spencer’s increased privileges, Spencer utters the greatest line ever: “You can’t escape the cup, Emily.” CLASSIC.
Then Paige enters the bathroom, and Spencer is all “Welp! Gotta run so I miss this girlfight!” Emily is sick of Paige’s excuses and says that she’s hurt that Paige is still trying to get revenge on Alison. Emily then drops the bomb that she knows Paige went to the police about Ali being alive, and she’s pissed for two reasons: a) she trusted her girlfriend (Paige) with secret information, and Paige broke that trust, and b) her first dead girlfriend (Alison) might get murdered by A now. Valid points.
Aria and Hanna agree that Aria shouldn’t tell her mom the real reason she and Ezra broke up.[v] Then Hanna runs into Travis, who is pushing a cart full of books. She tries to set up a do-over date, but Travis isn’t having it. He walks away, and Hanna tries to act cool, but she’s sad on the inside. Poor Hanna. Better get some more cookies.
Now we’re at Mrs. D’s house, and she’s yelling at some guy on the phone about finger food. I honestly don’t remember her being this scary, but she hasn’t been a major character, by any means. She’s bossing Ashley around when the police show up, and she sends Ashley on a wild goose chase upstairs while she talks to the cops. She tries to play hard ball with Detective Man, but he’s not buying it. He says that they’re not sure Alison is in her own grave, and they are going to exhume her (again).[vi] Mrs. D says no way, but Detective Man says they aren’t asking for permission. OOOOOOOH. BURRRRRRRN.
Ashley, meanwhile, ends up in Alison’s room, where she finds a bag of clothes at the foot of the bed in Ali’s size that were purchased yesterday. WHAT. Mrs. D knows Alison is alive? Could she really be A? Or…[vii] In either case, Mrs. D knows something.
Back at school, Emily is on her tablet trying to break into the email account that was left on the note with the money that she sent to Alison. She calls the phone number on the note, and gets the voicemail for Mamma Gabusi’s, an Italian place that is closed for renovations. Just as she’s getting frustrated, Jason walks by! So she gets up[viii] to follow him and talk to him about his hearing problem. Jason, apparently, has also just been back at rehab, and he can hear just fine, but he’s trying to avoid Spencer. He says that Spencer has been harassing his family for years, but his mom has always been there for him.
Then we are treated to a flashback! My favorite! Jason is “sleeping” on the couch when he overhears Alison and his mom talking about the anonymous text messages that Alison had been getting. Mrs. D thinks it’s Spencer, because she’s always been jealous of Ali, and that makes perfect sense.[ix] Mrs. D tells Ali to fight fire with fire, and Ali looks scared. Then Jason reveals that he wasn’t sleeping, and that he heard the whole thing. Interesting.
Back at Aria’s house, she and her mom are talking about Mrs. D’s bridal show. Ella[x] wants to go, but Aria does not. Ella’s phone continues to ring annoyingly, so to avoid talking about Ezra, Aria tells her mom to answer it. So she does, and she’s all cute and in love and stuff, and Aria feels abandoned all over again.[xi]
At Spencer’s, we find her getting ready to go to sleep on the couch, because she doesn’t feel safe in her room, where Mrs. D can creep on her through the window. Drug Counselor Man shows up and tries to get Spencer to talk to him, but he ends up reading to her instead.
Aria yells at her mom about feeling abandoned. Only kind of deserved, but anyways.
Back at Spencer’s, Veronica[xii] walks in on Drug Counselor Man sleeping with Spencer on the couch. No, that came out wrong. They were really just sleeping. So he gets fired. But… what was his reason for being a character???
At the coffee place the next day, Spencer counsels Aria about her blow up at her mom. Spencer and Emily try to fill Aria in about Jason and Mrs. D being out to get Spencer, and Aria says this: “How can we trust anything that Jason remembers from that summer? His brain was soaked in corn liquor.” EXCELLENT. Then Hanna arrives and says that she volunteered them all to be models at Mrs. D’s bridal thing so they can snoop around her house and look for that bag of clothes that Ashley found. They resist until Detective Man shows up and tells them that he’s very curious about who could possibly be in Ali’s grave, if she truly is alive after all this time. Gulp. Bridal show it is, then!
When Spencer gets home, her mom is snooping through her room, because Drug Counselor Man said she has been sleeping downstairs because she didn’t feel safe. Veronica assumes it’s because of a secret pill stash in her underwear drawer, which Spencer rolls her eyes at. Spencer confronts her mom about hiding information about That Summer, and…
We have another flashback! This time, it’s Veronica cleaning up torn and destroyed clothes and things in the backyard. Apparently, Spencer and Melissa had a big blow out. Ali walks into the yard, cutting through to her own yard, and offers to help Veronica clean up. Veronica sends her home, and as she walks away, she passes Spencer creeping next to the house, listening to the whole thing. Present day Spencer doesn’t remember anything. And then we see Mrs. D creeping through Ali’s window at Spencer! Gahhh!
Now it’s bridal show time! And Travis is a valet guy. Nice.
The liars are all in wedding dresses, discussing how they’re going to get upstairs. Spencer goes inside to retrieve her veil, and she runs into Jason. They bond over rehab, and then Spencer tries to get information from Jason about a memory of his that he told Emily last season. But then Drug Counselor Man shows up to say goodbye to Spencer. Aww? He gives Spencer his card and a hug, and then he asks about Jason. Spencer said that he just got home from a stint at Clark Center, and Drug Counselor Man says that Clark Center has been closed for two years. DUN DUN DUN!! We found his purpose!
Mrs. D is displeased when she learns that the liars are models for the night, and she almost blows a gasket when she nearly runs headlong into Spencer. Yikes. Spencer then informs the other liars about Jason’s rehab lie, and they speculate as to where he could have been.[xiii] Hanna and Emily decide they need to break into Ali’s room, pronto! Spencer goes to follow, but sees Mrs. D outside handing a suitcase to somebody. OH! Ashley calls Spencer back, but it’s no use. A-sleuthing she will go!
Hanna recruits Travis to be a diversion, so he helps his valet partner back over the DiLaurentis mailbox. Then he and Hanna kiss, which is all well and good except she’s wasting room-breaking-into time.
Aria’s mom sneaks up behind her, but Aria isn’t talking about Ezra! Sheesh, Ella! Give her a break! But then Ella gives some good motherly advice and says that, while the hurt never completely goes away, Aria will find someone else. Just like she did. Because Zach[xiv] proposed, and Ella flew back to tell her kids!
Emily and Hanna are searching for clues in Ali’s room, and watching them try to maneuver in the wedding dresses is amusing. Hanna finds a collage in the closet with a Mamma Gabusi’s flyer on it! And bingo! That’s the password to the email account. Emily sends an email to Alison.
And here we are, back at the beginning of the episode, with Spencer creeping through the woods. She never catches A because her dress gets caught in a bear trap. BEAR TRAP??? Are there bears in Pennsylvania?? She pulls free and runs back toward the DiLaurentis house.
Aria shows up in Ali’s room, and they all realize that Spencer is missing. But then they get a call from a blocked number, and it’s Ali! The three explain that the cops know that she’s not dead, and Ali tells them not to speak to her mother, and to come see her immediately. Oh. Sure. Okay.
After changing clothes, the girls still can’t find Spencer. But then, there she is! She is covered in dirt and blood and is crying, and she tells them that she followed a shadowy figure into the woods.[xv] They help her out of the corset of her dress, but it’s made of finger bones. YES. IT’S MADE OF HUMAN FINGER BONES. Oh God, that’s distasteful. And there’s a note! “What will you do when the rest of me comes out of the grave?” YIKES.
Emily is waiting to be picked up by the other girls to go to Philadelphia to find Alison. And who shows up? Paige. Oy. She admits that part of her wanted to get revenge on Ali, and Emily has had enough. She says that she forgives Paige for going to the police, but she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to trust her again. BAM. Relationship over. Paige is having all the feels, and I’m about to cry, too. Then Emily hops into Aria’s car and drives off into the night.
The liars arrive at Ali’s address, and there are spider webs everywhere. Aria tries to get Emily to talk about Paige, but Emily is over it. Spencer knocks on a door, but no one answers. Then a door behind the camera (and the girls) opens, and Spencer says “What are you doing here?” BUT WE DON’T GET TO SEE WHO IT IS OH MY GOSH ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
The episode ends with A checking into a hotel, and we see CeCe Drake’s name on the guest registry. A calls the police and takes a piece of candy. And that’s all!
WHAT??? The finale (which has already aired, but I’ll be recapping next week) is going to be WILD!!
[i] Or yell at her, if the elevator incident truly did impair his hearing.
[ii] I can’t figure out Drug Counselor Man’s purpose on the show. Nothing in Rosewood is a coincidence – that’s straight from Executive Producer Marlene King. So he has to have a purpose, right?
[iii] Ashley Marin, Hanna’s mom.
[iv] So we know that Spencer ends up helping with the event. Interesting, since Spencer thinks Mrs. D is after her.
[v] Which would be that he was using her as a source for his true-crime novel about his ex-girlfriend, Alison.
[vi] She was exhumed once before in Season 1 or 2, but now I can’t remember why. She was also moved to a mausoleum after her body was stolen from its grave.
[vii] Could this be the set up for the Twin Theory???
[viii] Leaving her tablet at the table! Come on, Em! You know how trustworthy the town of Rosewood is.
[ix] That was sarcasm. It doesn’t make any sense at all.
[x] Ella Montgomery, Aria’s mom.
[xi] On a related note, where is her dad?? Are Aria and Mike living in that house alone most of the time??
[xii] Veronica Hastings, Spencer’s mom.
[xiii] Might I suggest healing after falling down an elevator shaft? No? Too logical?
[xiv] Ella’s chef boyfriend, who got a job in Europe last season.
[xv] Clearly these girls have never seen a horror movie.