I think that part of what made it weird for me was having to pretend it was just another day at work. It’s the first time I’ve ever had to do that.[i] Last year, I got to have a lazy morning with H before meeting my parents for dinner. So, I don’t know. That made it weird. It’s different than when you’re at school, because people celebrate you at school. When you work with students, they don’t care if it’s your birthday. They don’t care about anything, really, as long as you’re “respecting them.”[ii] So, that made it weird. It didn’t feel as special. I guess that’s just another indication that I’m entering adulthood.
I did have a little bit of a meltdown on Sunday night. I’ve already apologized to H for this, and (because he, for some reason, loves me) he said that it’s fine, that it wasn’t that big of a deal. But man, I had big dreams for when I was 25. I was thinking I’d already be married, I’d be thinking about having a family, I’d be over halfway done with my PhD, etc., etc. Needless to say, those dreams were actually delusions. Twenty five is really just another year. No use in making a big deal out of it.
That’s really one of the main reasons I wanted to write this blog and keep it up for the whole year. Because all of my plans for my future, everything I’ve dreamed for my life – well, most of it has been delusional. I needed something a little crazy that was also real. I needed to write, to express all of these things, so try to encourage others who might be leaning towards a quarter-life crisis that this isn’t the end of the road. Twenty five is young! There’s a lot of life ahead of me, and I still have a lot of big dreams, but this time, I’m working toward making them actually come true. I’m content in a Master’s program, happy with H, and I’m writing. I’m writing every single day! That’s way more than I could say about any other year, and it’s something that I know will eventually lead me to where I want to be in life. I want to be writing. That’s what I’ve always wanted.
So, here I am. 25. Feeling no different than Sunday, when I was 24. Oh, well. I guess that’s how it goes when you’re an adult.
[i] My birthday has fallen on a weekend the last couple of years.
[ii] That is in quotes because we’ve had students tell us in the semester-end evaluations that we don’t respect them, and therefore we’re terrible people. Well. That could be a whole other blog post, but let me tell you this – when a student doesn’t respect the rules and our safety guidelines, our respect isn’t mandatory. Just saying.